I was sad when the groom said "It is becoming so different from what we have envisioned in our wedding, I can't wait to get it over having to manage so much obligations." (paraphrased) It was only after the concept was shared, I finally could see their eyes lighten up, and suddenly hope arises, there is still something to look forward in a wedding.
And such emotions are apparently quite common in Asian families. Or should I say in all families. Marriage is never a two person affair, likewise wedding is never a two person celebration. It is a family affair, a gathering of the loved ones and friends whom you love to share your celebration with . No wonder, we are stressed, simply because we do not want to disappoint those whom we love.
So how do we manage family traditions, expectations vs what we desire in our wedding. I will share my two cents worth in this area :
Before you even start planning for your wedding, ask yourself the following questions :
- To what extent will you involve your family in the planning, i.e. from wedding budget, wedding designs, wedding traditions, wedding program etc?
- Other than you and your partner, who will be the people you want to seek counsel from for your wedding ?
- At the end of the day, how much of your guests' comments are going to affect you, or rather how much do you want that to affect you.
The above questions sound rhetorical, yet the more certain your answers are to those questions, the better you can to manage your fear, your expectations as well as those of your family.
To put it simply, if I decide that my parents are the ones I trust to seek council from in my wedding, then I will tell myself, whatever they advise me of, I will not allowed myself to be uptight in their final decisions, simply because I trust them. And how much I am allowing them to be involved, will be the same amount of grace I am extending to them. At the end of the day, I will choose to be happy, contented and not be affected by any, other than those I have entrusted my faith in, simply because it is my wedding - a celebration of our joy, and the joy of my loved ones. The same applies if you decide otherwise.At the end of the day, I will reiterate what I always learn : Wedding is a reflection of the host... how it will begin, and end is a true reflection who the host is and expects of.