What a day!!! Myself exposed.

Today, I celebrated my bday with my family in the zoo... yes, it was quite an unexpected experience.. but my sis suggested, "why not, it's a family place."So I woke up early, charged my videocam, and off I went to fetch my granny, and decided to treat my family to the zoo.

Honestly, I actually enjoyed it, despite the drizzle, we went with our raincoat and saw the beauty of nature and creations. Somehow, zoo brought back many heart warming feelings about family. I thought the day went off as planned, perfect... and after fetching my family back, I headed for my church meeting. And my day ended disturbed.. I was caught off guard, not expecting the fact my members' absence to a meeting could bring so much emotions... I somehow discovered a lot more about myself.. and often such moments are those you hardly want to confess.. and for once, I decided to do it on the blog, maybe it's the best confrontation I can have at this moment.

My life has been surrounded by my family, my business and my church life.. these 3 areas have almost occupied my entired time in a day... I almost poured out as much as I can trying to juggle all these.. Since young, I was always taught to give, impart and hopefully during my life journey, I get to see lives transformed under my leadership and ministry... and honestly besides desiring a happy family, my next dream is too see lives transformed.

Yet past 2 days, I got to see some behaviours and attitudes in the people I led in ministry.. and my heart ached. Have people become so self absorbed, so self centered.. that everything they do is more for themselves, their convenience, their benefits and not one out of passion and commitment... As I evaluated my ministry, I too reflected on myself.. have I brought up a group of people that are seemingly so talented.. but yet the hearts are so self absorbed.... what has gone wrong... I never desire to be a leader, just a simple woman that can get to do things she loves.. and often, I am put in positions or limelight more than I have wanted. I thank the Lord for the grace to be in those limelights.. but sometimes I am equally frustrated with those exposures.

I messaged my best friend today and asked for prayer.. and I knew what would be the reply.. Don't worry Hann, you will come out of it.. I know you can. Yes, I will and I can.. that's the image everyone thinks of me when they see Hannah.. but what they have not seen, is the warrior up there is also a child within... at the end of today, I was reminded about my Lord, Jesus Christ. He was bruised, beaten and criticised by the very people He loves... and despite all, He still gives..and when I compared my current situations and what He has done.. I am ashamed.. and I can only pray : Lord, make me to be more like you.. and help me to know my end.. this breath of mine is made worthwhile by the very grace of you and you alone...


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